cannot help but feel empty when i am alone nowadays.

used to love just quietly spending time with myself. used to look forward to the times when i have the entire house to myself. used to enjoy the temporal detachment from the world...from people. used to draw the curtains upon myself and shut off all the lights...relishing the vacuum and darkness.

maybe i am feeling more and more insecure. and my fear of silence seems to be growing. it can get out of hand and scary at times...

i guess this is why many people turned to spiritual means.

to fill the unexplainable void that silently screams and crave for attention. or simply for the comfort of knowing that someone will always be there for them. without fail.

i think i am having a premature mid-life crisis :/

darn. wahlau.

i can't sleep!!!! ARGH.

after such a looonnnng day starting at 7 am with shopping in chinatown...ending at 11 after meeting friends in city hall...i should just drop dead in bed.

maybe it's reverse psychology i.e. i am so tired until i cannot sleep.

maybe i am thinking too much.

whatever. i just wanna sleep...pls? :(

i rarely see rainbows nowadays.

maybe i just did not notice it.
maybe i was too busy to bother to look at it.

maybe we are too caught up in our endless pursuits of wealth, power, success...
maybe the eyes of the world are so clouded with anger, fear, death, disease, pain, disillusionment, suffering, depression, hatred...
that we are blind and immune to the simple beauty of life.

really hope that one day...someday...we will all wake up from this nightmare.

if the world is going to end in 2060,

i want to..

wake up to blue skies and fluffy white clouds...
lie in the sunshine...
ride the breeze with a kite...
catch the falling leaves of a forest...
dance in the moonlight...
lose myself in stars and paintings of the nights...
doze by the beach...
make music of imagination and dreams...
capture the sands of time...
cry in the rain...
brave the storms of existence...
leave footprints on plains and mountains...
swim in seas clear as crystals...
grow old and flip through the pages of life...

love, live and breathe...

with you.

if only...if only.

the family day was plain chaotic! people, queues and screaming children everywhere. and the weather was scorching hot. the umbrella souvenier came in really handy. heh :p my mum's friends participated in a telematch which was hilarious! muahaha. the rides were scary man. eee. i saw caps and long hair flying all over the place.

read a very disturbing piece of news -arrrghhh- more and more animals are getting abandoned!!!

i really wonder why the people get them in the first place. for FUN? as a present to someone who doesn't really want it? as an affectionate gesture to a gf/bf? They go "oh my gawd. it's so cute!!!" -pinch pinch- and dump them the next minute.

imagine one day your mother comes up to you and say,"darling. you were so cute when you were young, but now, i just cannot stand the sight of you anymore. you are taking up too much of my time, attention and money. oh the house isn't having much space...and you are getting too big for your room. i am going to get rid of you once and for all. out of sight, out of mind. Goodbye."

-slams door-

and suddenly you are left to fend for yourself...until some kind souls take you in. and every single day, you search for that familiar face...hope for the love you once had before the cruel rejection. you ask yourself...what have i done wrong? why am i here? Right up till the day you face an injection that will kill all your dreams and end that painful wait.

Animals are LIVES meant to cherished and loved by people who genuinely care and are willing to commit. pls pls pls do not buy pets on impulse.

SIGH. wish i cld do something...anything.