second week into term and i am still floating around. arrgh. someone tie me down to my already-accumulating readings.

CNY is just next week...too fast it seems. don't look forward to celebrating it anyway. hmmph. will be poking around chinatown tomorrow, hopefully get into the mood. even the bagua and all those goodies lost their appeal this year.

the only only thing i can love about CNY is the reunion steamboat-bbq, a cosy affair and with fake peach wine this year! grin. ohyah, and also the great programmes on teevee the seocnd day to keep me occupied while my place becomes a makeshift casino. mahjong in the balcony, Big-2 in the living room, blackjack in my bro's room :/ we will always order malay food 'cos of my dad's friends. wierd but they are yummy so no complaints from me.

think i m getting claustrophobic. which is really bad because most of my lecs and definitely all of my tuts are in tiny and full classrooms. thanks to the modules' unpopularity :( sigh. what's happening?

it was a painful trip to the hospital to visit my first uncle. it was not about the needles in his thin veins, nor his anxious wait for the pacemaker operation. his helplessness, fears, silent aches and tears were so intense, it just kills.

i have this thing about seeing guys cry. seems more genuine than the loose tear ducts of gals. "tears are no longer precious if you cry often", one of your favourite quotes. i sometimes wonder how you are doing these days. but i know i will not hear from you ever again, which is best for the both of us. the whole thing just feels so dumb now. eeks.

zoey can no longer walk, has problems eating and does not want to drink water. we got to give her watermelon or try spraying water into her mouth. and she refuses anyone to touch her mouth. it's a difficult period for my family to get used to all these changes and accomodate to her needs. and yes, have to admit i often cry out of exasperation.

sometimes i just don't know what she wants. she screams and wails in hourly intervals till we move her to somewhere new, carry her, or she eventually tires herself out. we just creep around when she finally sleeps in case we wakes from her (and our) much needed rest and start all over again. things at home became more tense though, conflicts rising as to how to make her feel better, angry with ourselves for not being able to help her. it's tiring but i guess we just have to get used to it.

i cannot forget that rare hour last thursday afternoon, when i sat by the balcony hearing the wind and watching the clouds go by the blue blue sky. amazing.

"people spend more time with others than with themselves". how true.